Can you be happy and stressed?

I was talking to my mom tonight, and she made the statement that I haven't been happy in over a year. I was surprised to hear this. I would consider myself quite happy. I really love (majority of the time) where I am right now. There are still moments that I am amazed that I live in such a beautiful city full of such kind people. So, how could she possibly say that I haven't been happy?!

When I corrected her, she said that I have been stressed for over a year. Well this is incredibly true. I don't think either Mario or I realized how tough the move was going to be. I just falsely assumed we could pick up and move cross country seamlessly. Instead, there's been times when I didn't know how we were going to have our next meal. There have been many sleepless nights trying to decipher a recipe in my head and worrying I would cut my finger off the next day. Currently, I'm attempting to work in a kitchen, wrap up a job, train the new staff, find a new job, figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, hope that I'll receive a paycheck large enough to cover rent with whatever job I find, and plan a trip home. WOW! Even that sentence is overwhelming!!

So, yes... I am most definitely stressed. But funny.... majority of the time, I am most definitely happy. There are times one emotion takes over the other....stress usually wins. But I have found that you don't have to be one or the other. In LA, I was just stressed. I don't think I was truly happy. Sure, I had fun. I had great friends and did great things. But inside, I don't think I was truly happy. There was no time to be happy. I was too busy stressing and working and stressing and working.

It is great to know I can be both- happy and stressed- and still survive. Hopefully one day, I can get rid of the stress and just be happy.

Is it ever okay to be selfish?

I am sitting in my living room, pouting like a five year old. I only hope it is okay to feel this way....

See, Mario has a pretty much full time job now. He has worked at the same location since the end of January. He really likes it and they seem to love him. He has made a close friend and things are finally falling into place in his life.

Today, I got out of school, and for the first time in about two months didn't have to run into work. I came home and did whatever I wanted. Well, actually, I worked on my taxes, but you get my drift. After the taxes, I put on Julie & Julia to relax. As I believe I've mentioned before, that movie makes me appreciate Mario more than words can describe. The men are depicted as such strong supporting forces. Neither woman would have accomplished half of their successes without their man's support. This is a HUGE statment coming from me.

So, I'm watching this movie, missing Mario and counting down the minutes until he will be home sharing this moment. He though, decided to go out for drinks with some guys from the office. And I'm sad.

Now, if I stop for a moment I can recognize that he probably would not enjoy the moment as much as I do. And clearly this is just me being selfish. I just look forward to the little time we get together. I look forward to the little moments that we are home together...the times I'm not working and we can laugh or just see each other.

Its fine. I feel better simply letting it out. And don't worry, he won't ever see this. He doesn't read the blog. :) I do promise to post soon on some of the ridiculous stuff I've been up to. Mario even took video of us trying to flambe some lobster. Ha!

"Your Work is God-Like..."

I can't stop smiling. Yesterday was one of the best days so far in my culinary journey. I still don't think my feet have touched the ground. My current instructor, Chef Casino, said my food was "God-like" or "Heavenly" or "of the Gods". To be honest, I don't remember the exact line. I was too busy glowing from success. But let me start at the beginning so that you can get a fuller understanding of why this meant so much...

I started Advanced Garde Manger on my birthday. I was so excited to turn 30 and start a new class. Little did I know the day would end with me in hysteric tears. I left class feeling like my skills were not at the level needed to be in this class. How could I have gotten this far with straight A's and still not possess the skills required to take this course?! I spend the entire afternoon in tears actually contemplating retaking a course or dropping out of school completely.

I'm sure if you are reading this, you know me well and know I didn't drop out. Instead, per my mother's encouragement, I became determined to conquer the course. And conquer it I did! I'm actually obsessed with it. I have not felt this inspired since becoming a catering manager at Patina. It is like someone lit a fire within me. All I can think about is the current project- they have even taken over my dreams. I'm going in early and staying late. My life completely revolves around this class.

At the beginning of this week, Chef Casino assigned us a "fun" project. By Thursday, we had to produce a recipe for a savory item that looked like tuna sashimi but wasn't. We also had to design a white feather out of a white food element. On Friday, we had to actually produce both of these items. Holy F!!! This is stuff you only see on tv. Sure, molecular gastronomy is big right now. Sure, it is something important to learn. But as students, don't you think we should receive more than 3 days to put together two challenging items?!

I stared and stared at photos of tuna sashimi hoping for inspiration. At last, it hit me that the meat slightly resembled blood orange juice. (thank God it was the only orange juice we served at Tiara Cafe so I was familiar with it.) When I bounced the idea off Chef he claimed it was the sexiest idea he has heard yet. Score! I'm in! Now how was I going to actually produce this blood orange tuna? Chef sent me home with some blood oranges, agar, & citric acid and told me to figure it out. Mario and I stayed up until midnight testing different chemical percentages and pureeing rice for the feather.

Friday, I woke up with a stomachache, completely nervous about having to produce this mad science experiment. It too me longer than I wanted, but the final product was "of the Gods". It was beautiful, if I do say so myself. And it was one of the only ones that actually looked like tuna sashimi. The Chef asked me for the recipe at least 4 times. (can you hear me jumping up & down as I type this??) I DID IT!!

Here are pictures so you can see the final product. I've also included some of the other projects I/we are working on in class.

Here it is....Blood Orange Tuna Sashimi

just another view

Salmon En Croute

Aging Sausages & Charcuterie

Agar Tomato

Parmesan Marshmellows

Kimchi- its been fermenting for about 2 weeks

Aspic Terrine

Cold Smoked Octopus Terrine

My pride & joy Camembert- I've been nursing these boys since the first day

Cheese Bound Vegetable Terrine- Cynthia's Beauty!!

Valentine's Day & Birthday Continued

Last weekend was possibly one of the best weekend I've had in Boston in a LONG time. No, not just because it was Valentine's Day and my birthday. It was more because Mario and I actually got out and enjoyed ourselves.

Saturday after work, we went to a neighborhood to grab a drink and a cute Italian restaurant for dinner. We had been wanting to go to both for awhile and were so glad we did. Like I said, it was just good to get out of the house for a bit.

For Valentine's Day, all Mario wanted was Mickey Mouse pancakes. My mom used to make these for me as a kid and apparently, I've never made them for him. I think they turned out pretty well for our first time.

aren't they cute???

After breakfast, we headed out on one of our biggest adventures yet---- to get me a ring. Yep, folks, I officially have myself an engagement ring. Or rather, I officially have myself an engagement ring that I can wear. Mario proposed with his grandmother's beautiful ring, but unfortunately she has the world's smallest fingers and it doesn't fit. We have plans of designing our own ring using his grandmother's and one of my mom's. But these things take time and money, of which we have neither at this point. So, I asked if I could get an in the meantime/in between time ring. AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!

I hope you can get the gist of it. I've never taken a picture of my hand with a ring on it before.

Mario also spoiled me with a bouquet of chocolate dipped strawberries and champagne. I really am loved.

All in all, it was a great day!!!!!

love...

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!! This has always been one of my favorite holidays. I was raised to recognize this is not a day about having a boyfriend or girlfriend, but rather recognizing the people you love in your life.

When I woke up this morning, I was overwhelmed by the amount of love in my life. I am blessed to have the most amazing friends and family- people that motivate me to be better every day. I would not be where I am today- whether it is in Boston, in culinary school, or simply just be- without these people. So, I thought I would put together a few of my favorite photos from the past few years. There are so many more I would like to recognize, I just don't have any photos online. :( I hope you enjoy the ones I do have.

Thank you: Mom, Jim, Mario, Franky, April, Randel, Nicky, Twin, Not-twin, Julie Jo, K8, Chrystal, Bianca & Jaime, Bernie-mac, Squach, Harmony, Mike, Geri & Alex, Adam, Tootie, Maya, and everyone else!!!

Anthony Bourdain

In my efforts to figure out what's next, I've been reading chef biographies. After finishing Julia, I started "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. I like him. At first, when watching his show, No Reservations, I found his crass demeanor offensive. However, after awhile, his blunt honesty grew on me. The more I watched, the more I sensed a soft heart behind the tough exterior. His book is written in the exact same tone. I do not recommend it for the faint of heart or those that do not want to know the truth behind kitchen doors. Those depictions did not bother me. I had seen or heard most of what he wanted to share. Sure, during his punk rocker chef days, he really pushed the limits- snorting coke lines the length of a bar or using whiskey to light the line on fire before each shift.

What did bother me, is the absolute certainty I felt that I do not want to work in a kitchen. I do not want to spend 16 hours on my feet behind a hot stovetop, burning my arms, and slicing off the tips of my fingers. Nothing in that sentence interests me at all. So, what in the *&$# am I doing going to culinary school????

I have to say, I still have no idea. But I do know I love food and all things food related. His culinary adventures through France and Tokyo made me salivate. I want to travel to far away fish markets and know exactly what I'm seeing and what to do with it. I want to know what goes behind a restaurant's famous dish that makes it so incredible. Simply put, I think I want to know and understand food.

Is that enough reason to stop your life for 1.5 years and pay way too much to go back to school? If anyone has any answers to that question, please be sure to enlighten me. For now, I'm back to the library on Monday to find my next literary adventure.

White Christmas

We've made it through our first New England Christmas and are still alive. I realized a funny thing about Christmas this year...when you strip it down, it is just another day. It could be yesterday, today, or tomorrow. It's not about being the 25th of December. Instead, Christmas is about what you do on that day to make it special. Hopefully, your holiday was spent with the ones you love. The presents are just an added bonus.

This year, we decided to stay in Boston for my first Christmas away from my parents. I honestly didn't think it was going to be as difficult as it was. The week before, I began to dread even the thought of the holiday. We had no tree, no parents, no presents, no lights, no decorations, no money, and no time to really do anything. It was definitely not shaping up to be my favorite holiday of the year.

However, after many tears, I decided to fight back. I went to Trader Joe's to find myself a Charlie Brown tree and instead received a free wreath. Nothing in LA is ever free. I think someone was reminding me of the Boston spirit. As I walked around the store, free gift in hand, I began to find the Christmas spirit. It isn't about receiving, but rather giving this time of year. I realized I had missed the hustle & bustle of Christmas shopping. There is a definite rush of being with the crowds and seeing all of the Christmas decor. I must say I got caught up a bit, bought some champagne & yummy treats, and headed home to hang my wreath.

Christmas day, if you forget about the Christmas part, turned out to be a great day. Had this been any other Saturday, I would even say it was a great day. If I'm allowed to complain, I would say there was just something missing from it all. I think it was being around the family, and yes, opening presents. That sense of unity and love and warmth the day usually holds.

As difficult as it was, I am happy we made the choice to tough it out. We found out what it is like to spend a holiday together, with friends. And in the future, there are some traditions we created this year, that I would like to keep- like the Christmas Eve White Castle burgers and Christmas afternoon nap. And the peace. There wasn't the usual arguing or fighting that comes along with my family holidays. Instead we spent the morning with a great friend eating breakfast and drinking champagne. We went to the Commons to walk in the snow and see the Christmas tree. And we finished the night at a Cuban feast among friends.

Like I said, a really great day. The only thing that made it better was the snowy walk home. We had our first white Christmas.

Julia Child

I am jumping on the Julia Child bandwagon. I am fully aware how trendy this is at the moment and would normally be completed turned off. However, after spending the past 3 weeks reading "My Life in France", I have completely fallen in love with her. First, I must point out that on average lately I've been going through about a book a week. So, for her one book to take me three weeks, definitely speaks volumes. I did not want to let her go. I felt like I made a little Julia Child friend that fit inside my bag and went wherever I went. If I needed to hear her voice on the T, I would simply pull out the book and start where I had left off. Her adventures through France, Norway, Germany, and Boston were so well depicted. Her voice came through as if she were sitting next to me telling me the stories herself.

I found the book so inspiring and discouraging at the same time. To start, this woman made some of the most incredible meals ever known to man. And she seemed to do them with ease. She never expressed sincere fear in putting together a great feast. Instead, she buckled down and spent days working with the finest products in France. I, on the otherhand, am frightened to cook for anyone other than Mario. Julia says you should never say sorry. If something doesn't work out, it is what it is. You just do your best to fix the problem, accept it this once, and don't make the same mistake again. That is much simplier said than done. However, I am trying to take this attitude lately, and find it somewhat soothing.

She is so passionate though about her work. Julia spent years putting together a single cookbook-- testing and retesting each of the recipes until each was perfect. I am disappointed to say I do not have this drive. I really enjoy cooking. However, lately it has become more of a hassle than a pleasure. I miss the immediate satisfaction of going out to eat and having the food prepared for you. Lately, I do not enjoy trying to figure out what to make each evening or what to make of the items in our fridge. Granted, Julia had nothing else to do. She had the government's money, freetime while her husband worked, and no television. I suppose if put into those circumstances I too could become excited about cooking again. Plus, it didn't hurt that she was in France among some of the best produce available.

All in all, I would say this is one of the best books I have read. If I owned it, instead of rented from the library, it would be tucked away among the greats like "Eat, Prey, Love" and "The Alchemist". I really urge you to read it, but be sure to give yourself enough time to get through the whole book. I am sure you will savor each page as I did and never want it to end.

family

It is funny about family. In my life, there are so many people I am related to by blood that I wish I didn't know and so many people I'm not related to that feel like family. It is funny how that works out. For Thanksgiving, two of my "family" drove up to spend the holiday with us. I have known Sarah & Lari now for about 7 years and seeing them was exactly what I needed. We spent the whole day talking and laughing and talking and laughing some more. It felt so good to be with people that knew who I am and don't need explanation of my every thought and movement. Instead, we understand each other without saying a thing. It was exactly what I needed.

On that same note, my parents came out about a month ago. I have put off writing about their trip because, as good as it was, it only made me ache for them more. It is not that I had forgotten anything about them. It just made me miss them even more to have them close. Its like eating chocolate after years of dieting. It only makes you want it more. Or something like that.

We had an amazing time (that's for you Jim) walking around Boston and seeing all of the sites. I must say the highlight of the trip was being at the Cheers bar with them, having drinks and laughing. I don't even remember what we were talking about. I just remember feeling at home with both of them by my side.

At first, I was afraid for my parents to see how modest our life has become. I didn't want them to worry. But then I realized, it really is what it is. And at the end of the day, we are not hurting or wanting for anything major. We simply aren't as extravagant as we once were. If anything, I'm sure this pleased them more than caused worry.

With the holidays upon us, I'm beginning to realize how hard it is going to be without my parents. This will be my first Christmas without them. Can you believe that??? I'm 29 years old, and only now experiencing my first Christmas without my parents. I guess that makes me pretty pathetic. Either way, I'm going to miss them terribly.

For as long as I can remember, I woke up every Christmas morning VERY early, grabbed all of our stockings, and climbed into my parents' bed. We would open everything together, one at a time. These are my best memories of the holiday. For, after we got out of bed, all of the drama would ensue, and the day would lose all meaning. But for that hour of the 3 of us in bed, it was wondeful. That is what I am going to miss.

In honor of them, I'm attaching photos of my parents' trip. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

missing LA

No, I would not say that I'm homesick. I would definitely say that I'm not ready to move back. However, every day, there are certain little things about LA that I miss. So, I thought I would make a list for fun...

* Seeing my friends in person-- phone calls are wonderful. but there is nothing like being able to see and touch someone.

* happy hour- discounted drinks and good times with friends.

* networking events. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed them until they are gone--- free drinks at amazing locations in LA, while strumming up new business.

* in line with the last one- having connections. We don't know anyone or anything here.

* Walking down Hillhurst in Los Feliz. I can still see exactly how all of the shops and restaurants are lined up.

* Del Taco & Carl's Jr.

* authentic tacos & good mexican food

* Spaghetti factory- specifically the Mizithra cheese

* knowing what the weather is going to be like from day to day-- while the guessing game here is fun, I miss the consistency of it.

* having a full wine fridge. and just good wine in general.

* palm trees

* wearing high heels & professional clothing.

* pilates

* the front yard pool parties

blogging

I am so conflicted about blogging. I'm not sure I've written about this before, but it is something that has been on my mind for awhile. Perhaps, it is the reason that I have not blogged as much as I would like. So, here is my questions--- how truthful can/should one be in a blog??? I have a couple of blogs I read regularly and appreciate the painful truth in their writing. My heart goes out to each one of them.

There is so much I need to say...want to say...could reportabout day-to-day life. Yet, I don't. I don't know if I want people to know my struggles and challenges. I have a hard enough dealing with the truth of life. How appropriate is it to put the truth out there and have others deal with it? And once I've put those challenges out there, and now someone else is dealing with them or acknowledging them, is it okay to move on? It always helps me to talk about things in order to move on. So, if I put something out there, is it okay that I am then ready to move past it? Sometimes it feels as though I've taken my burden and handed it off to someone else. That is never my intention. I never want anyone else to endure the emotional roller coasters. I've spent majority of my life trying to help people so that they don't have to suffer at all.

This brings up another important question....does anyone even read this blog? If not, this is all a moot point. I am simply writing to the internet void and not affecting a soul. If that is the case, the blog can become a means to communicate and work my way through things. But how does one know? Is there anyone out there? Does anyone read this? Or have I lost you all completely? I suppose that would be a good place to start. Once I know if and who reads this, I can then figure out how much I want you all to know.

I just don't know how honest I'm ready to be....especially with the ones we've left back home. When you make a decision to make a big change, whatever it may be, it is hard to admit it is not always easy. There are a lot of challenges, every step of the way. I know I need the help of my loved ones to get through it all. But I'm not ready for them to know. I'd rather they think we are doing amazing. That everything is simply fantastic....because in so many ways it is. It just isn't easy. I don't regret one aspect of the decision. I was just foolish to think the move would be a smooth transition.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I just needed to let it all out and apologize for not being more raw. I just don't know if I'm ready. But perhaps it is what I need.

when everything else goes away...

More and more lately I've become aware of how soothing the kitchen really is. All of the day's troubles just wash away. That's not to say that the kitchen is not stressful. As my parents will tell you, I can become really stressed when trying to get a meal on the table. When they were here a few weeks ago, we got into a bit of a tiff over getting "Thanksgiving dinner" out and hot. No one was ready to eat, there was no room to put the food, and it was getting cold very quick due to our freezing weather.

Anyhow, I'm just saying the kitchen can make a lot of stress disappear. I had forgotten this. My classes lately have consisted of learning about terroirs, fermenting in steel versus oak, and how to speak French. All very stressful, to say the least. But today...today we were let loose in a kitchen once again and it felt soooo good.

I know some of you wonder what it is like to be in culinary school. Is it really like what you see on tv??? Surprisingly, it kind of is, just a lot less screaming. Today, we had to complete production for both today and tomorrow. Because of Thanksgiving, we are squeezing two days into each one day in order to be able to cover the same amount of material. This just means a lot more work and moving a lot quicker.

We start class every day at 7:00am sharp! If you show up at 7:01am, you are late and will be docked points. I do my best to get there by 6:45am every day. Lately, its been closer to 7:50am though. That leaves me just enough time to get out of my layers of a coat, scarf, beanie, and sometimes gloves. I have to put on my uniform, take out my books, grab a stool, and organize my area in that 10 minutes. At 7:00am, we step out into the hallway for brigade. Here, the chef instructor checks to make sure we have every piece of the uniform needed- from neckerchief to sharpie to thermometer to nametag. The chef instructor is also making sure our uniform is pressed, shoes are shined, nails are cut, girls' hair is completely hidden under the hat, and men are freshly shaven. Its funny...to write this out, it sounds so foreign and strange. Yet, this is what I have gone through every day for the past 4 months. Funny...what can become normal in such a small amount of time.

Anyhow, once we have passed the test, we go back inside for lecture. This may include powerpoint and/or a demo of some sort. Today, our chef instructor awed us with his knife skills. I have never seen anyone cut like this. It was amazing. At one point, I wanted to pack up my stuff and go home, as to not be embarrassed when my turn came. He can even turn a potato into a 7-sided dradle-like shape behind his back. I'm sure that does not sound anywhere near as impressive as it is. Let's just say, I've barely mastered creating the shape and can only do it when under extreme pressure. This chef can do it with his eyes closed...literally. AMAZING!!!

Anyhow, we got a short break and than a little past 8:00am we got to it. We had until 11:15am to make the following:
*mayonnaise
*lemon parsley vinaigrette
*balsamic vinaigrette
*tomato vinaigrette
*Caesar salad (dressing, croutons and all-- made from scratch)
*roasted pepper salad

After we completed each dressing, he had to okay it before we could move on to the next. At 11:15am, we had to have the two salads plated and ready for his critique. I know the list may not seem very long. But you also have to keep in mind we have to wash our dishes prior to starting the next item. We do not have five of everything. Just one whisk, usually one bowl, one chef's knife, one set of measuring spoons, etc. So, everything must be cleaned before moving on. It is pretty insane, and I'm sure amusing to watch. On top of that, everything we cut must be a certain size. For example, the roasted peppers all had to be in 1/2" slices. Prior to coming to culinary school, I didn't even know what 1/2" looked like. Now its something I must create without any thought.

At one point today, I took a step back to take it all in. All I could do was laugh. We had about 25 people with their heads down, chopping quickly, and mumbling recipes to themselves to make sure nothing was forgotten. It was hilarious sight. We all looking like fools speaking jibberish while waving knifes around.

It is pretty incredible when you break it down. So, I thought I would share. Just give you all a little piece of my day-to-day. I hope it helps you imagine things a little better. Or at least give you a reason to smile. Little Chef Soto has made it through one more day without cutting her finger off.

That means it is a good day.

fall is here

Oh my God, it is beautiful today! Fall is officially here. The sun is still shining, but there is that crisp breeze that can only mean fall. The trees are starting to change colors, and everyone is pulling out their sweaters. So, fall is here, right??? The most telling signal for me though, is that it feels like someone has pushed the restart button. Fall to me always feels like the starting point of the year. Not New Years. This is the time that everyone goes back to school...where new adventures await them.

In school there was always the question of who will the girls have a crush on this year? Who will become best friends? What will be every one's new favorite subject? At Patina, the Opera and Phil started their new seasons. The fall was full of Galas and the biggest parties. Fall always brought the question of what will the holidays bring? How much money will we make? Will we meet our goal for the year? Fall is the beginning of every cycle.

Now that I'm back in school and working part time jobs, fall brings a whole new beginning. My school schedule is divided into three week classes. So, every few weeks, things change. That hasn't meant a whole lot up until now. Oddly enough, with the onset of fall, the class changes are starting to feel real. Monday I start baking. I start something completely new and foreign, just like the beginning of every school year. I'm so afraid I will burn the kitchen down. Okay, not the whole kitchen, but at least everything I put into the oven. What if the bread doesn't rise? I've managed to ruin boxed brownies. How is making it from scratch going to go any better? I have learned at this school, there is no guarantee of anything. At least it is a new beginning. I have three weeks to figure out the rest.

Work is another story. This past month has been a struggle just to get through. I've been training at two jobs and working an inconsistent schedule. All I want is some constant. I want to know what each day is bringing and where I'll be going for that day. Fortunately, both jobs offered me more hours. Unfortunately, I was faced with making a decision....the one thing I'm horrible at. But I did it and am really hoping I made the right one. Next week I begin working 35 hours a week. I'm up for the challenge. I only hope that there is time to sleep somewhere between 35 hours of work and 25 hours of school. It will be like being at Patina again. Good thing I can't afford to have a social life. I have to use the energy and rebirth of fall to get me through it and into my rhythm.

I know I'm making it sound awful. It really isn't. I still love Boston and have not regretted moving for an instant. We are simply in a transitional phase and are working to have all the pieces fall together. I trust that one day we will be making money again and living the high life. We will be able to enjoy the city and all of its pleasures. Until then, we will stick to eating dinners at home and drinking Pabst. At least I'm getting lots of practice cooking.

So, here's to fall and all of the exciting adventures you will bring. I have hopes and wishes for you. Please bring the New England beauty and array of colors. That, above all else, will make it all worthwhile.

photos for bianca

Next weekend, our good friends Bianca & Jaime are getting married. These two are high school sweethearts. Until meeting them, I didn't believe that could still happen. In my experience, your high school love is just a starting point. He/she becomes the person to teach you how to love and how to understand the different levels of love later in life. For Bianca & Jaime, they found the true thing the first time around. I adore this and have so much respect for them.

Unfortunately, we are not able to attend the wedding. Due to financial challenges and having just found our jobs, we can't make the trek back to sunny California. I know it is going to be beautiful and cannot wait to see photos. Bianca- just know we are sending our love from across the country.

In honor of you, I am posting photos. I forget that not everyone wants to subscribe the demon Facebook, and therefore has not seen our Boston life. Here are some of my favorites, in no particular order. I'll try to do better at posting in both locations.