I was talking to my mom tonight, and she made the statement that I haven't been happy in over a year. I was surprised to hear this. I would consider myself quite happy. I really love (majority of the time) where I am right now. There are still moments that I am amazed that I live in such a beautiful city full of such kind people. So, how could she possibly say that I haven't been happy?!
When I corrected her, she said that I have been stressed for over a year. Well this is incredibly true. I don't think either Mario or I realized how tough the move was going to be. I just falsely assumed we could pick up and move cross country seamlessly. Instead, there's been times when I didn't know how we were going to have our next meal. There have been many sleepless nights trying to decipher a recipe in my head and worrying I would cut my finger off the next day. Currently, I'm attempting to work in a kitchen, wrap up a job, train the new staff, find a new job, figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, hope that I'll receive a paycheck large enough to cover rent with whatever job I find, and plan a trip home. WOW! Even that sentence is overwhelming!!
So, yes... I am most definitely stressed. But funny.... majority of the time, I am most definitely happy. There are times one emotion takes over the other....stress usually wins. But I have found that you don't have to be one or the other. In LA, I was just stressed. I don't think I was truly happy. Sure, I had fun. I had great friends and did great things. But inside, I don't think I was truly happy. There was no time to be happy. I was too busy stressing and working and stressing and working.
It is great to know I can be both- happy and stressed- and still survive. Hopefully one day, I can get rid of the stress and just be happy.
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